I clean the house every other day. Today is the other day!
So this isn't Home Sweet Home...Adjust!
Ring bell for Maid Service. If no answer, do it yourself!
If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
My house was clean last week. Too bad you missed it!
A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
I came. I saw. I decided to order take out.
If you don't like my standards of cooking...lower your standards.
Apology. Although you'll find our house a mess, come in, sit down,
converse. It doesn't always look like this. Some days it's even worse.
A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.
Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Help keep the kitchen clean. Eat out.
My next house will have no kitchen...just vending machines.
SIGNS FOUND IN THE KITCHEN
1. Kitchen closed - - this chick has had it!
2. Martha Stewart Doesn't live here!!
3. I'm creative, You can't expect me to be neat too!
4. So this isn't Home Sweet Home... Adjust!
5. Ring Bell for Maid Service...If no answer do it yourself!
6. I clean house every other day....Today is the other day!
7. You may touch the dust in this house...but please don't
write in it!
8. If you write in the dust, please don't date it!
9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
11. Home Cooking- - -like Mother used to do before
cigarettes and soap operas.
12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
13. If you don't like my standards of cooking...lower your
14. I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
Although you'll find our house a mess,
Come in, sit down, converse.
It doesn't always look like this:
Some days it's even worse.
16. Recipe for Living...
Thank God for dirty dishes,
They have a tale to tell:
While other folks go hungry,
We're eating very well.
17. With Home and Health and Happiness,
We shouldn't want to fuss.
For by this stock of evidence,
God's very good to us!
19. Gardening Forever . . . Housework Never!
20. Dull women have immaculate houses.
21. I'd live life in the fast lane but I am married to a
THE PERFECT DIET
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women
cope with the
stress that builds up during the day.
1 Slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
Small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 chocolate Oreo cookie
The rest of the cookies in the pack
1 tub of Hagen Daas Ice Cream with Choc-chip topping
1 Family pack of Twinkies
4 bottles of wine (red or white)
2 loaves Garlic bread
1 Family size Supreme Pizza
3 Snickers Bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK:
Whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the Freezer)
STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS 'DESSERTS'.